Fuzzy Math and My Battle With the Clock

Let me tell you a little story about a Sunday morning this past fall. This was the weekend, mind you.  I am a teacher, so I work (in theory–more on that later) Monday through Friday. This was supposed to be like that song–“easy like Sunday morning”.

I woke up, made my way to the coffee pot (yes, we have an old-school coffee pot–it’s like 1987 around here and we love it), and gradually regained my senses. It wasn’t particularly late–maybe 7:15a? And as I came around, I started to make a mental list of all the things I “needed” to do that day. Do you do this? I can’t help it, it just happens. The list was fairly long, I realized. I had spent Saturday morning writing and Saturday afternoon with my family, hanging out together, enjoying the outdoors on a fleeting fall day. Saturday night? College football. I have absolutely no regrets about spending my Saturday like this, but this meant there was one day to tackle my weekend to-do list. Hmmmm.

Okay, I thought. No problem.  It’s pretty early. I’ve got the whole day. What “needs” to be done? And how long will each thing take?

And this is when the panic started to set in.  Because what I realized was that with everything I “needed” to accomplish in that day, I was already WAY behind.  At 7:15 in the morning. With only half a cup of coffee gone and my family still asleep.

You guys. This is NUTS. It was dawn and I was already upset because I was fighting my never-ending to do list and that damn clock. And confession: This happens every.single.weekend.of.my.life. No joke.

What needed to be done? Only about seven million tasks. And I am one who always feels like each task will take 20 minutes, when in reality it’s likely much longer? I’ve been told this is in my genes and that my dad had the same affliction. My math is always so fuzzy here. I believe this is why I have so much trouble getting to work on time. So anyway, in reality:

*grocery store–45 minutes

*laundry (wash, switch, fold, put away, etc)–probably 90 minutes total, on and off through the day

*clean the bathroom–I’m not a wizard here, but at least 20 minutes

*put out Halloween decorations–about an hour, give or take

*meal plan for the week and make grocery list–20 minutes

*lesson plans for the week for work–an hour at least

*grading–this is variable, but this day I had about 90 minutes of that

*dinner prep and dinner–an hour

*clean the kitchen (twice in reality)–30 minutes each time, minimum

*clean up the outside plants for fall–an hour

*work out–this is supposed to be 30 minutes but takes more like 45

*shower/shave/get ready–60 minutes, although I can cut corners if need be

*call my mom–25 minutes (and this isn’t really enough time)

*put away kids’ clothes/toys/crap–15 minutes

*other work for teaching (emails, trainings, newsletters, etc)–at least an hour

*hang pictures on walls (since we’d lived in our rental house for over a month)–30 minutes

*spend time with my kids–variable of course, but let’s say an hour here

45+90+20+60+20+60+90+60+30+30+60+45+60+25+15+60+30+60……

This is 14 hours and 20 minutes.

Please note that I never ate breakfast or lunch, nor did I feed my children these meals. I didn’t spend any time with my husband. I never went on a walk or read a book or wrote a singe word. There was no social media wasting my time. I went grocery shopping, but according to this list I didn’t spend the half hour it takes putting those groceries away. I didn’t put my kids to bed at the end of the day or make lunches for the next. I never sat down, for heaven’s sake, according to that list. And by 7:30a, when I would have started in on the list, I would have to go non-stop until 9:50 at night to get all that done. And guess what? Even as I type that, I realize there are things I forgot to put on the list.  Change out kids’ summer/winter clothes was there. My guess is that there was a list for Target that probably needed to be filled. Get Halloween costumes. Make plans for the long weekend next month. Watch some baseball, perhaps?

The list goes ON and ON and ON. It will never be done.

You may say, dear reader, that I didn’t NEED to hang those pictures. I could have skipped cleaning the bathroom. Why did I have to put the plants away that day? I didn’t, of course. But that’s not the point. I know that logically not only is it impossible to get all of this done in a day, but it’s not really necessary. However, this does not help my spinning mind.

In my mind, all of these things need to be done. Today. And the bottom line? I always think I will feel better after the list is done. I feel like the only way to squish down the panic about the list is to get it all done. This is obviously not possible, and so at the end of the day, there are many items on the list that still remain. And I don’t feel better. And another day closes. 

I wake up and the remnants of the list are still there, hovering like a cooking smell in a kitchen. Ah, but this is a new day, which brings with it new items to add to the list. And on and on it goes.

Since the next day is Monday in this scenario, this means that it’s a work day, and so I dutifully trudge off to enlighten little minds. Did I really think this problem was just at home? HA! Laughable, I tell you. This problem is twice as bad at work! Anyone who is a teacher will tell you that the to-do list at school absolutely never gets done. It may get shorter, and it may be outrageously long, but it never ends. So I hop from undone list at work to undone list at home, all my days. 

This is wildly unsettling.

I am sure that there are people who can just have undone to-do lists floating around in the background of their lives willy-nilly and feel pretty decent about it, but I sure as hell am not one of them. And yet there is no solution. I think that this is just adulting. Ugh.

I have no solution today, friends. Not one.

How do I handle this problem in my life? Well, on good days, I remind myself that I am more than a to-do list. That this is what happens in life and that it does not define me. My worth is not tied to how much I accomplish in a day. On good days, I prioritize and get the important stuff done first, and I let the other things go. On bad days? Well, on those days the panic wins, and I end feeling defeated. And I simply get up and try again tomorrow. Do we really have any other choice?

So if you feel like your life is ruled by your to-do list, darling, take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. I’m over here battling the clock and the tasks, just like you. We are all in the same boat, friend. And there is definitely some comfort in that.

Much love,

Amy